Posts Tagged With: Anxiety

7 Quick Takes Friday, Vol 14:

I apologize in advance for the scattered, hair-brained content of this post.

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1: Christmas Hangover

Every day, every stinking day, I realize something I forgot to do for the holidays, now that we’re working to get everything put up. Oh, look, here’s a wreath that never got put out, here’s a pumpkin pie bar mix that never got made, and Snoopy socks I never wore, and HOW DID I FAIL TO PUT OUT THE CHRISTMAS HAND TOWELS?!?!?!?! I just feel like the only way to fix this is to get in the time machine, go back in time and start all over.

But you know what? I kept up with the Jesse tree. The whole season.

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2: 2 is for 2 Years Later

We’ve been living in our current house for 2 years now. This is a joyous occasion. Our marriage has been so full of moving and shuffling around, that the longest we were ever in one place was in our cramped, tiny little apartment. Until now. Now we’ve lived in this lovely little mid-century ranch style house for longer than we’ve been anywhere else.

And after two years, Scott finally fixed the garage door. The chain was off when we first moved in and there was no remote, so the garage has been more of a junk catch-all than anything else. Scott fixed the chain, I found a new remote, ordered it and paired it, and now, at long last, I no longer have to walk in the rain to get into the house! And it’s so easy when I need to haul groceries into the house. I can just drive them inside instead! I turned 31 last month and this is the first time in my life I have lived in a house with a working garage door, where I could park. It’s so exciting! It’s going to take a while for the shiny to wear off of this one.

3: Simone Weil

I saw this trailer on Ascending Mount Carmel and thought I’d share it.

I’d really like to see the documentary, but when I searched for it on Netflix, it told me it was unavailable and recommended Sons of Anarchy and Phineas and Ferb. I wish I had made that last bit up, but I didn’t.

4: Halp!

This is probably not worthy of sharing but I keep seeing this picture and it’s just the stuff of nightmares.

I suppose I’ve probably always been claustrophobic. My experience in the closed MRI has definitely brought this fear, nay TERROR to light. For example, I fail to see the humor in this picture, which keeps popping up:

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No, I look at that picture and suddenly can’t breathe. And want to cry. Moving on.

5: Feeling the Burn

I’ve been doing….fair…on my health and fitness resolutions this year. I’ve had some night snacking issues, which was never a problem until I quit smoking. I’ve been working out pretty consistently–which for me always makes the weight come off more slowly. But, I know I’m building muscle instead of losing it, which is certainly more likely when I’m dropping massive amounts of weight each weak. My stamina is increasing, too. I plan to start running by Valentine’s Day, and do some kind of 5K in the spring. If I’m going to do a run, I want to do it for a good cause, you know? One I believe in! Last summer, I was going to do the Color Run in OKC, but things didn’t line up for me. I was a little ill at ease with it because they didn’t have the “cause” lined up yet. I was a little worried about signing up, paying my fees, and training…only to find out I was running to benefit the Fraternal Brotherhood of Aryan Supremesists or something horrifying like that.

Anybody else working on a fitness routine?

6: All by Myself

Now that everything is back to normal, Scott is once again working every evening and I’m at home by myself all night. However, I’m not going to let that stop me from observing dinner more formally every night.

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Now, if they’ll just wear the little outfits I made them.

7: Hail Mary!

I’m pledging to do the rosary every night. So far this year, I’ve only missed twice. Another spiritual goal for the New Year is to read at least 1 Catholic non-fiction book each month. Finishing 1 each month shouldn’t be a problem.

I’ve already started 5.

Keep the Fulwilers in your prayers and I’ll let you know where the rest of the Quick Takes are just as soon as I find out!

 Update: Found ’em!

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7 Quick Takes Friday: Vol 6

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After two MRIs and more Doctor appointments than I would like to count….we still don’t have a diagnosis. At my most recent follow-up appointment, I was advised that I have a tiny cyst on my brain that’s not the cause of the numbness in my left arm and leg, and besides that, nothing conclusive. So, we’re doing more blood work and another MRI! Sweet! The 1st MRI was my back, the 2nd was my brain, and the 3rd will be my cervical spine, aka my neck. One may wonder why they didn’t just do all in 1 shot. Actually, I’m glad they didn’t. Because that would have meant about 1.5 hours stuck in here:

…listening to this:

…and I would have had a definitive diagnosis of insanity with a prescription for this…

So, doing all 3 MRIs in 1 shot would be a bad idea. However, since my next appointment isn’t for another two weeks, I decided to wait until next week to do the MRI. Because sometimes you need a week off from having MRIs.

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I have a confession to make. I forgot to register to vote. Scott is so ashamed of me! Especially after I posted about learning the importance of voting. I really did intend to. I really did, I just forgot. I’m blaming the cyst on my brain.

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Yes, I plan on blaming a lot of things on the cyst on my brain. I paid good money on that MRI. I expect to get some mileage out of it.

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I posted earlier this week about the importance of being meek and I prayed that I could obtain this virtue. Of course, I had a horrifying day at work which came to a head with me crying in the bathroom because I just couldn’t stand to put up with anyone’s nonsense anymore. Once I made it home, I realized I had been under spiritual attack all day. Perhaps it’s time to invest in a St. Michael medal? I think I know what tomorrow’s prayer will be!

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Mmmmm. It’s worth getting married to be able to stay home on Saturday night and chow down on this yumminess.

The past few weekends, we’ve had date night at home, and I’ve fixed this amazing Chicken Parmesan Bake recipe twice. It’s supposed to be the most pinned recipe on Pinterest? I’m not on Pinterest. I pinned this chicken with my fork. And I put it in my mouth. It’s such an easy, and yet fancy dish. Oh, and since I didn’t use the whole jar of chunky marinara sauce, I used the leftover sauce to make English Muffin Pizzas so none of it went to waste.

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I picked a radish out of my garden. It wasn’t ready. Dang it!

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Yep, I’m not just excited, I’m ALL CAPS EXCITED!!!

An Affair of the Heart is this weekend in Oklahoma City. Every February and November October, my sisters-in-law and I go shop, hang out and eat Indian Tacos. It’s one of my favorite events of the year. I’m hoping to get a serious jump on Christmas shopping, get some fresh air and exercise (lots of walking to do!) and just relax. I think it’s going to be a good weekend!

Now that is just beautiful.

Let’s see, I’ve posted pictures of an Indian Taco, an MRI machine, a Chicken Parmesan casserole, and a strait jacket….Head on over to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes and less crazy talk!

 And then my kids started asking me why they should wear clothes or brush their hair since we never see other human lifeforms, and began developing startlingly close relationships to their imaginary friends, and I promptly signed them up for 1,000 activities.  –Jen @ Conversion Diary

Or maybe more crazy talk. Whatevs.

 

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7 Quick Takes Friday: Vol 5

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This year, I decided to join the Women’s Club at our parish as well as St. Veronica’s guild. We are feverishly preparing for St. Joseph’s 90th annual Thanksgiving dinner. 90th! The last few years, we’ve fed over 700 people. Wow. It takes 4 days to prepare the feast, and there will be ladies working at the church from sunrise to midnight. The process for preparing the meal has been the same for decades, and some of the ladies have had the same responsibilities for as long as anyone can remember. One of the ladies who is 86 years old, fell recently and is unable to help out. No one else knows how to make the stuffing. She’s been in charge of it for probably a half a century at least. It’s just amazing the amount of parish history and tradition is wrapped up in this one meal. I’m considering taking vacation time so I can be there every day.

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The Year of Faith has begun! What are your plans for re-energizing your faith? I still don’t have a specific game plan. For day one, I read the 1-page meditation from Magnificat, and started working on a meditation on one of the Beatitudes. So, not much. It’s better to do a few meaningful things than 100 things you went through so quickly you don’t remember them, right? You can read more about the opening of the Year of Faith here.

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I had a second MRI this week, but this time it was an open MRI, which is significantly better than the closed MRI. For those of you who don’t know, this is a closed MRI.

Allow me to strap you down and cram you into this tiny little tube so I can look at your brain!

This, on the other hand, is an open MRI.

Pretty big difference. So, at the end of the day, it’s still horrifying, but no panic attack! Why is it still horrifying, you ask? Because the darn thing makes a wide array of oh-my-gravy-we’ve-just-gone-into-meltdown-mode noises. All around your head. Each picture the machine takes makes its own unique meltdown mode noise.

For your pleasure, someone was kind enough to document this horror on YouTube.

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Once again, I haven’t seen my husband all week. Well, actually, he went to the MRI with me yesterday and then took me out for a cheeseburger. So, we spent about an hour together. Working nights was great for him in the summer so he didn’t have to work out in the heat, but I’m tired of feeling like I’m single! For crying out loud! Oh well. To maximize our time together, I showed him the correct way to use ketchup cups.

I know. Probably the most jaw-dropping thing you’ll see this week.

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Need another reason to dive deeper into Catholicism?

But sanctify the Lord Christ in your hearts, being ready always to satisfy every one that asketh you a reason of that hope which is in you. — 1 Peter 3:15

There you go. You’re welcome.

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Anytime someone says they’re personally opposed to something but politically for it, I get a fright. Is that the state of Christianity in the United States? In the world? “This is what I believe but I’m not going to act on it or allow my beliefs to impact my life in any way?” Is that really what we’re saying? I’m probably not articulating that very well. Canterbury Tales did a much better job of expressing the sentiment. If we are followers of Christ, we have to go where He goes. What are we doing when we won’t allow our faith to impact our lives? Are we watchers of Christ? FOLLOW.

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“If you owned a million-dollar racehorse, would you let it eat fast food? You most likely want to keep that racehorse in top physical shape in order to win races, so no, you most likely wouldn’t be feeding it fast food. But you and I, temples of the Holy Spirit, tend to go straight through the drive through. How much do you value your body? What we really need is a solid dose of discipline. The average person knows the things that are good for him or her, and the things that are not. All we need is the discipline to choose the foods that fuel our bodies and give us energy, strength, health, and happiness.” –Matthew Kelly, The Rhythm of Life

Alas, I am still struggling with eating better. I do pretty well at lunch, and even at dinner, but then I just snack all evening. I just keep reminding myself that if I’m struggling, that means I’m still trying.

That was kind of a sour note to end on, wasn’t it? I’m sure the other Quick Takes at Conversion Diary are much peppier!

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7 Quick Takes Friday: Vol 4 (Whiney-Butt Edition)

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As you can see, I’ve fallen behind on my blogging. What you may not have seen is that I’ve fallen behind on everything else as well. Dinner hasn’t been cooked, carpets haven’t been vacuumed, laundry was done…by my poor husband. Contrary to what I ought to do, I’ve allowed myself to be consumed with anxiety about my MRI. I feel like I’m paused, waiting for my diagnosis before I continue. Well, I’m going to try to get back on track anyway. It could take more time and more tests before we know what’s going on. No point in pausing life. However, Scott may find that he likes doing laundry and will decide to continue doing it every week. There’s always hope, right?

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I’ve been thinking about not posting the daily readings anymore going forward. However, there are a few good reasons I do. 1) It ensures that I read each day’s readings. 2) It sparks an interest in that day’s readings and increases my likelihood of seeking out a mass to enjoy. 3) It has created a nice blogging rule: before I post what I have to say, I post what God has to say. If I don’t have time to post both, I get the important message out first. So, I think I’ll continue for now, starting back up on Sunday.

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About that MRI… I freaked out. Once I was locked in, I went into full panic mode. I cried, I pushed the panic button as hard as I could, I demanded to be let out! It was horrible! The technicians gave me headphones so I could listen to music, put a washcloth over my face so I couldn’t see that I was trapped in a tiny tube, and put me in feet first for our second try. I was in there for about 20 minutes and on the verge of having another freak-out the whole time. What kept me calm? Irony of ironies, I said the rosary and kept thinking about my day at the ocean.

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It’s been almost 6 weeks since we stop smoking completely. I’ve had a few stumbles, but overall, I feel like I’m over it. The worst is when I’m at home by myself for hours on end. I get antsy and I want to smoke. It’s to the point where if I had a cigarette handy, I would smoke it. But it’s not so bad that I want to go out and buy a pack. So, it’s good. I don’t know how it’s going so good, but it’s good. The only explanation I have is grace.

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I’ve also quit drinking as much coffee. I was having 1 8 oz cup at home, and then 3-4 additional 18 oz cups at work. Yes, that’s 62-80 oz of coffee daily. I’m down to 1 8 oz cup at home and 1 18 oz cup at work, for a total of 26 oz daily. I’ve also reduced my soda intake from 2 cans a day to 1 can a day and sometimes none. However, for all my healthier habits…

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I can’t seem to shake the 10 pounds I gained when I quit smoking. 10 pounds isn’t bad. But it’s bad enough to form a nice jelly roll over the top of my work pants that are suddenly a smidge too small. Because of this, my plan to fast during 40 Days for Life has not worked out. I have to face the fact that I want to fast to lose weight, not to get closer to God. Pretending is not working out for me. So, I’m giving up on the premise of fasting and trying instead to just get healthy. Let’s face it, the holidays are coming and I don’t want to keep piling more pounds on. I made a lot of progress the first half of this year, but so far, I’ve just spent the last half falling backwards. Let’s not forget that both gluttony and sloth are sins.

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For Christmas last year, I bought my dad a Shiatsu massage cushion. Due to his diabetes and high blood pressure, he hasn’t been able to use it, so it’s been sitting in the box untouched for 9 months. (He didn’t let us know he couldn’t use it until it was past being able to return it for something else. A few days ago, we went to see him and decided to just bring it on home with us since he wasn’t using it. Shiatsu massage cushion + comfy couch + seriously stressed out woman=aaaahh! Everyone should have one of these!

For more Quick Takes with less whine, head over to Conversion Diary!

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7 Quick Takes Friday: Vol 3

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I’m thinking about renaming my blog. Nothing I write ever lives up to the awesomeness of that title. Then I realize I can never pick a name. Or a theme. And I’m barely hanging on by a thread here anyways. That’s when I remember why I chose the name and decide it’s perfect.

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I get to have a brain scan on Wednesday! Woo-hoo! Wait, I’m horrified of small spaces. Great. I’ve been to the doctor a few times about my leg going numb. Blood tests and X-Rays were not revealing, so next up, MRI. I’m very anxious about it. But you know, I swam in the ocean and didn’t freak out. I just want to make it clear: I’m not in any way trying to conquer my fears, here! I’m not that kinda gal. If I’m afraid of something, I want to just stay the truck away from it!

Oh, and regardless of what the MRI shows, it’s very likely that the next step will very probably be a spinal tap. Which I’ve had before. It’s not painful. It’s just a little horrifying to keep as still as humanly possible because ohgoodheavensifyousomuchascoughtheGIANTNEEDLEINYOURSPINEWILLPARALYZEYOU!!!!!!

Face your fears, eh? Who in their right mind thinks that’s a great idea? Why don’t I just lay down in a tub full of spiders?

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My Mother-in-Law is going back to Saudi Arabia today. It seems like just a few days ago I went to pick her up at the airport. My In-Laws have been living in Saudi Arabia for 3.5 years now and we miss them terribly when they’re not here. She and I have been hatching a plan for Scott and I to go visit them in Saudi sometime next year. Talk. About. An. Adventure! I sure hope we can work it out! They don’t live too far from a beach. For all my lifelong fears of the ocean, I’ve been aching to get back in!

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I planted a fall vegetable garden this week. I haven’t had a veggie garden in 4 years, and I’ve been dying to get back into it. I decided to do the square foot gardening method. I have cabbages, radishes, all sorts of lettuce, carrots and spinach in the ground. To keep birds out, I bought a 7$ decorative scarecrow from WalMart that I’m going to put out. I’ll bet it works!

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After an argument about grocery shopping at WalMart vs. Target, I stepped in to declare that I purchase all my groceries at Aldi and buy only non-grocery items at Walmart. Good food doesn’t need a brand name, right? And of course I use only earth-friendly reusable canvas bags. Suddenly, I had a severe panic attach because I thought I might actually be a hipster. Then I realized, with some relief, that since I purchase a fair amount of my clothes at WalMart, I am indeed not a hipster.

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Actual risque picture I sent Scott. Don’t worry, we’re married.

Scott and I never talk about anything. We have no communication left in our marriage. Since he’s working nights and I rarely see him, all we ever do when we’re together is snuggle. Our words for each other consist of “I love you!” and “Move closer so I can snuggle you!” I like to think that since our time together is short, we’re taking care of what’s important and cutting out the rest.

Everyone else must think we’re falling apart. Scott has no idea what’s going on with my doctor’s appointments, with work, and I couldn’t tell you a thing he did this week. We tend to find out that kind of stuff from….everyone else. While they give us odd looks like, “How do you not know this? Your marriage is falling apart!” Eh, whatever. I’d rather have cuddle time than talk time.

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40 Days for Life started Wednesday! I haven’t made it out to the clinic yet, but if you have a chance, stop by and offer a rosary. It can be a little scary–what if someone comes over to talk to me? But if someone does, pray that God will speak through you! Trust in Him!

And as always, better and brighter Quick Takes are available at Conversion Diary!

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